An Interview with Alexis Raven

Hello humanoids! Today is the day I talk about my amazing characters and ask you questions in order to get comments! Or I gues I coud just mespel stuf and use ImprOper caPitaliZatioN and pun'ctu)at:ion. Okay, that last sentence was a pain to write. I'm never ever doing that again. Anyways, for the interview I'm going to give you a quick overview of Alexis and you give me your questions. I'll post her answers on Tuesday. Oh, and here's what she looks like.

Michaela Conlin just happens to be a clone of Alexis

Alexis Raven is the twenty year old stepdaughter of Master Zane Raven of the Raven Guild. Since the Raven Guild is a thieve's guild and Alexis is a member of the guild you can rightly assume that she's a thief. Alexis is actually a pretty accomplished thief for her age. She got her first tattoos at the young age of fifteen (tattoos play a huge part in the guild's culture).

Personality wise Alexis is a very sarcastic human being. She also tends to be a little rude and has a bad habit of insulting people. Despite all this she loves people and enjoys making friends. Alexis is also very superstitious. 

Alexis may like making friends but its hard for her to keep them. Most people don't trust thieves. She does have one good friend though. His name is Ghost and he's a professional assassin. 

Alexis has a large family. Her father, who was her stepfather's brother, died when she was very young and her mother married Master Zane a year later. Alexis has two younger sisters and four half brothers. She also has several cousins, uncles, and aunts. Most of whom hate her due to the fact that she got herself kidnapped and was forced to join the rebels. 

As I mentioned in the last paragraph Alexis was kidnapped and forced to join the rebels, or the Freeland Republic as they like to call themselves. The Starrin Empire kidnapped five people for a job and attached little electronic devices to their spine so that they could electrocute them to death if they didn't do the job. Alexis currently is working for the rebels on the Empire's orders. And that last sentence sounded like it was from Star Wars. *starts talking to myself about what to change the Empire's name to*

Hope that all made sense. I'm not particularly good at summarizing people's lives. Or summarizing anything for that matter. So, if you have any questions for the lovely thief put them in the comments. She'll be answering them on Tuesday. Hope ya'll have a great day!

How to Write an Emotional Scene

Hello humanoids! Today I'll be teaching you how to write an emotional scene. Actually, let me rephrase that. I'll be giving you an example of an emotional scene and you can figure out how to write your own by studying the example. I'm too lazy to actually bother to write a post about writing emotional stuff. Actually, I take that back. I'll give you a helpful tip. Listen to sad, happy, or whatever emotion you're trying to write music while writing the scene. Helps a ton. Now, onto the example!

Example:

I can’t be late. I have to stop her. She can’t do this to herself.

Scrambling down back alleys and the busy streets I made my way to our spot.

Don’t do this. Please, don’t do this.

I left the city and entered the forest. She had to be here. Where else would she go?

The forest was silent. Not a sound was to be heard other than that of my own heart as I leaped over fallen logs and dashed between the trees.

I stopped at the edge of the pond. Our pond. Where we first met.

There she was. Sitting on the grass with a laptop in front of her, about to hit enter.

She looked up from what she was doing. “Derek, don’t try to stop me.”

“There has to be a better way,” I said. “Please don’t do this.”

She glanced down at her screen. “I have to.” She pressed send.

“No!” I rushed over and took the laptop from her. It was too late. The video had been released.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

I closed the laptop. There was nothing I could do now. “It’s not your fault.”

A tear slid down her cheek. “I’m scared, Derek.”

I hugged her. “Everything will be fine.”

She buried her face in my shoulder. “I don’t want to go. I’m only twenty.”

“I know,” I held her close. “I love you.”

She looked me in the eyes. “I love you too,” she whispered before kissing me.

My lips felt numb. Like someone had zapped them with electricity.

Her head fell limp and the light left her eyes.

“No. No. Please no,” I begged. “Please, don’t go.”

She didn’t respond.

A sob escaped my lips. “Come back. Don’t go.” Tears rolled down my cheek. I hugged her body. “Alex, please don’t leave me.”

There you have it. An emotional scene. I would explain to you what exactly was going on with the girl but as I said before I'm feeling rather lazy so I'm just not going to bother. So, there's your example of an emotional scene. Go write one yourself now. Scram! Just joking. You don't have to.

Have a pleasant day and return this weekend for another amazing post!

How Do you Spell That?

Game Show Host: Hello ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to How Do you Spell That?! Today we have John Smith and Alice Doe playing.

John Smith: *waves* Hi Mom! I'm on TV!

Alice Doe: Why am I here? I never signed up for this! You people kidnapped me!

Game Show Host: Hello, Alice and John. Welcome to How Do you Spell That?

John: T-H-A-T.

Game Show Host: Why did you just spell that?

John: Because you asked me too.

Game Show Host: That's the name of the show, not what you were suppose to do.

John: But you asked me to spell that.

Game Show Host: It doesn't really matter. Alice, please spell honor.

Alice: No. You kidnapped me. Why would I do anything you say?

Game Show Host: You'll be a millionaire if you win.

Alice: H-O-N-O-U-R.

Game Show Host: That is incorrect.

Alice: Uh, no it's not.

Game Show Host: There is no U in honor.

Alice: Yes, there is.

John: We're in America.

Alice: You kidnapped me and brought me to the United States? How crazy are you people? I demand to be taken home.

Game Show Host: As you wish. Guards!

*Guards come and drag Alice away*

Game Show Host: Now back to How Do you Spell That?!

John: T-H-A-T.

Game Show Host: Uh, yeah. Next question. If you can spell hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia you will win a million dollars.

John: H-I-P-P-O-P-O-T-O-M-S-T-R-O-S-E-Q-U-I-P-E-D-A-L-I-O-P-H-O-B-I-A.

Game Show Host: How on Earth did you just do that? You weren't supposed to be able to spell that. Now I have to find a million dollars to give you.

John: I'm reading off the script. Even what I'm saying right now is part of the script. If you didn't want me to be able to spell that then you shouldn't have written it down.

Game Show Host: .....

John: So, uh, where is my million dollars?

Game Show Host: Guards!

*Guards come and drag John away*

Game Show Host: Well, that was a great show. See you next time on How Do you Spell That?!

John: *shouts as he's being dragged out the door* T-H-A-T!

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm a Time Lord

Yes, you read the title of this post right. I am a Time Lord, or Time Lady technically, and no, I am not joking. I have two hearts, a sonic screwdriver, and a TARDIS. Actually I don't currently have a TARDIS due to the fact that I miss placed it a few hundred years ago (would tell you how I managed to misplace a TARDIS but its a long story involving cybercows, coffee, and a rabbit) but that doesn't matter. I still own one even if I don't know where it is.

How am I a Time Lady if the Doctor was the last Time Lord you ask? Well, remember that one episode of Doctor Who? The Doctor's Daughter season four, episode six? Remember that episode? You don't? Go watch it. Now. It's awesome. But anyways, so the Doctor is cloned in that episode and Jenny, his clone, is a Time Lord and at the end of the episode she goes out and travels through space. Well, eventually she got married and had a kid. That kid is me. So technically I'm half Time Lord but I was born in the TARDIS so I have all of the Time Lord abilities.

Missing: TARDIS
Reward: Traveling through time and space
(This is just a random photo of a vending machine from
the internet. My TARDIS my not look exactly like this)

Now that you know how I am a Time Lady lets get into my history. As I mentioned earlier I miss placed my TARDIS a few hundred years ago and I've been living on Earth since then. Since searching for the TARDIS gets boring after a few decades I started to write. I wrote under the pen name H.G. Wells. I am H.G. Wells. How else do you think he, or she technically (I would explain how H.G. Wells is actually a girl but its a long story), came up with the idea for The Time Machine? I've actually had several names over the years. Most of them are authors others are artists. Some of my past lives I was just a normal person who occasionally fought of Dalek invasions. I'm currently a writer but I still have yet to publish anything.

So, that's everything you need to know about me. Later this week I'll be posting my first character interview, or at least be asking for questions for my first character interview, so check in later if you have anything to ask Alexis Raven. Oh, and also, if you ever run across a vending machine that's bigger on the inside let me know because its probably my TARDIS.

How to Write Something Funny

Have you ever wanted to write something funny but could never figure out how? Well, this post will teach you how to find your sixth sense, the sense of humor. If you already have that sense then there's no need to read the rest of this post.

What is humor? The definition of the word according to the Oxford Dictionary is: "The quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech." That definition is boring though. Humor is basically something that makes you laugh. So anything can be humorous: bugs, cheesecake, cheese, even death. Although if you think death is funny there is something seriously wrong with you. So, anything you write can be funny to someone.

How do you find a sense of humour? As I said before anything you write has the possibility of being funny so technically you already have it but you want to be funny to more than one or two people. How you gain the ultimate sense of humour you simply have to write words using the British spelling, as I have been for the past paragraph. I spelt humour with the British spelling instead of the weird American spelling so now I'm the funniest Time Lord alive, which really isn't much of an achievement since there aren't very many of us around. Plus all the other Time Lords who are still around are actually from the UK so they already spell stuff that way. Dang it.

What are some other ways to find your sense of humor? If you don't know what the British spelling of words are then you could always use sarcasm, dumb jokes, puns, and a ton hyperboles. Although despite what your English classes say hyperboles are not all that funny. Sarcasm is though. What is sarcasm? Well, it's a dangerous disease that causes your hair to turn green and makes it so you can only speak Elvish. If you don't believe me go Google Scotland's national animal. It'll answer all your questions other then the ones you have about the meaning of life. The answer to that is 42. Dumb jokes are easy. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. Puns are pretty easy. That picture is a great example of a pun. I already spoke on the jaw dropping effects hyperboles have so there's no need for me to talk about them anymore.

So, those are many ways you can find your sense of humor. There are more of course but I don't feel like writing an essay that's 50,000 words long. Also, don't blame me if you attempt to use my examples of humor and they don't work. Not everyone can be as hilarious as me and some people never find their sense of humor. If you're one of those people I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'd suggest you go find your imagination. That might help.

Anyways, if any of you brilliant readers wish to share some jokes and such in the comments feel free to do so. I love reading funny stuff.

Stupid examples of humor:

Oliver: Skylar is, like, the smartest person in the entire system.

Skylar: That's not true. I'm only on the top five list. 

Alexis: Hey, kid. What's up?

Jack: We're the same age so if you call me a kid your calling yourself one too.

Alexis: Last I checked I wasn't a baby goat.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Doctor

Doctor who?

*insert TARDIS noise here*

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

“You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.” - quote from a Brandon Sanderson book

I'm a Writer

Hello humans and aliens of the universe. As you probably already know I'm a writer. If  you never realized this before now you obviously haven't read anything else on this wonderful blog. You should go read the rest of my blog. Go do it now. You done? Good.

So, anyways, since I'm a writer I've decided to start posting writing related things on this blog. I might start doing book/tv show/movie reviews as well. You may be asking yourself what I mean by writing related things. The answer to that question is that I'll be occasionally posting my personal writing tips. Sort of like my how to beat writers block post that you should go read. Since I'm also doing NaNoWriMo I'll be posting weekly updates about that. What is NaNoWriMo you ask? Well, it stands for Nation Novel Writing Month and the goal of NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words in your novel during the month of November. I'm writing the forth-ish draft of my book Death's Quest for NaNoWriMo. I'll tell you all about my amazing book that you might eventually read if I ever get to a final draft and publish it in another blog post. I'll also be posting a character interview once a month-ish. That's everything I can think of to tell you about today. Good bye, humans, aliens, and non-organic beings!