Happy Thanksgiving

I'm a Time Lord

Yes, you read the title of this post right. I am a Time Lord, or Time Lady technically, and no, I am not joking. I have two hearts, a sonic screwdriver, and a TARDIS. Actually I don't currently have a TARDIS due to the fact that I miss placed it a few hundred years ago (would tell you how I managed to misplace a TARDIS but its a long story involving cybercows, coffee, and a rabbit) but that doesn't matter. I still own one even if I don't know where it is.

How am I a Time Lady if the Doctor was the last Time Lord you ask? Well, remember that one episode of Doctor Who? The Doctor's Daughter season four, episode six? Remember that episode? You don't? Go watch it. Now. It's awesome. But anyways, so the Doctor is cloned in that episode and Jenny, his clone, is a Time Lord and at the end of the episode she goes out and travels through space. Well, eventually she got married and had a kid. That kid is me. So technically I'm half Time Lord but I was born in the TARDIS so I have all of the Time Lord abilities.

Missing: TARDIS
Reward: Traveling through time and space
(This is just a random photo of a vending machine from
the internet. My TARDIS my not look exactly like this)

Now that you know how I am a Time Lady lets get into my history. As I mentioned earlier I miss placed my TARDIS a few hundred years ago and I've been living on Earth since then. Since searching for the TARDIS gets boring after a few decades I started to write. I wrote under the pen name H.G. Wells. I am H.G. Wells. How else do you think he, or she technically (I would explain how H.G. Wells is actually a girl but its a long story), came up with the idea for The Time Machine? I've actually had several names over the years. Most of them are authors others are artists. Some of my past lives I was just a normal person who occasionally fought of Dalek invasions. I'm currently a writer but I still have yet to publish anything.

So, that's everything you need to know about me. Later this week I'll be posting my first character interview, or at least be asking for questions for my first character interview, so check in later if you have anything to ask Alexis Raven. Oh, and also, if you ever run across a vending machine that's bigger on the inside let me know because its probably my TARDIS.

How to Write Something Funny

Have you ever wanted to write something funny but could never figure out how? Well, this post will teach you how to find your sixth sense, the sense of humor. If you already have that sense then there's no need to read the rest of this post.

What is humor? The definition of the word according to the Oxford Dictionary is: "The quality of being amusing or comic, especially as expressed in literature or speech." That definition is boring though. Humor is basically something that makes you laugh. So anything can be humorous: bugs, cheesecake, cheese, even death. Although if you think death is funny there is something seriously wrong with you. So, anything you write can be funny to someone.

How do you find a sense of humour? As I said before anything you write has the possibility of being funny so technically you already have it but you want to be funny to more than one or two people. How you gain the ultimate sense of humour you simply have to write words using the British spelling, as I have been for the past paragraph. I spelt humour with the British spelling instead of the weird American spelling so now I'm the funniest Time Lord alive, which really isn't much of an achievement since there aren't very many of us around. Plus all the other Time Lords who are still around are actually from the UK so they already spell stuff that way. Dang it.

What are some other ways to find your sense of humor? If you don't know what the British spelling of words are then you could always use sarcasm, dumb jokes, puns, and a ton hyperboles. Although despite what your English classes say hyperboles are not all that funny. Sarcasm is though. What is sarcasm? Well, it's a dangerous disease that causes your hair to turn green and makes it so you can only speak Elvish. If you don't believe me go Google Scotland's national animal. It'll answer all your questions other then the ones you have about the meaning of life. The answer to that is 42. Dumb jokes are easy. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. Puns are pretty easy. That picture is a great example of a pun. I already spoke on the jaw dropping effects hyperboles have so there's no need for me to talk about them anymore.

So, those are many ways you can find your sense of humor. There are more of course but I don't feel like writing an essay that's 50,000 words long. Also, don't blame me if you attempt to use my examples of humor and they don't work. Not everyone can be as hilarious as me and some people never find their sense of humor. If you're one of those people I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'd suggest you go find your imagination. That might help.

Anyways, if any of you brilliant readers wish to share some jokes and such in the comments feel free to do so. I love reading funny stuff.

Stupid examples of humor:

Oliver: Skylar is, like, the smartest person in the entire system.

Skylar: That's not true. I'm only on the top five list. 

Alexis: Hey, kid. What's up?

Jack: We're the same age so if you call me a kid your calling yourself one too.

Alexis: Last I checked I wasn't a baby goat.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Doctor

Doctor who?

*insert TARDIS noise here*

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

“You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.” - quote from a Brandon Sanderson book

I'm a Writer

Hello humans and aliens of the universe. As you probably already know I'm a writer. If  you never realized this before now you obviously haven't read anything else on this wonderful blog. You should go read the rest of my blog. Go do it now. You done? Good.

So, anyways, since I'm a writer I've decided to start posting writing related things on this blog. I might start doing book/tv show/movie reviews as well. You may be asking yourself what I mean by writing related things. The answer to that question is that I'll be occasionally posting my personal writing tips. Sort of like my how to beat writers block post that you should go read. Since I'm also doing NaNoWriMo I'll be posting weekly updates about that. What is NaNoWriMo you ask? Well, it stands for Nation Novel Writing Month and the goal of NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words in your novel during the month of November. I'm writing the forth-ish draft of my book Death's Quest for NaNoWriMo. I'll tell you all about my amazing book that you might eventually read if I ever get to a final draft and publish it in another blog post. I'll also be posting a character interview once a month-ish. That's everything I can think of to tell you about today. Good bye, humans, aliens, and non-organic beings!